A woman writes to ask what a non-ADD husband might expect to notice in his ADD wife. She was the inattentive type in the back of the class. She has also struggled with depression. Things are coming together now that she is in her 20's and married but she thinks her husband has trouble understanding her.

It is difficult for people to really understand a woman who was inattentive instead of acting out as having ADD since the difficulties are often so internal especially when combined with depression. I don't know what your particular kind of ADD looks like but in general these things are common among adult married women with the inattentive type ADD:

Difficulty getting up and getting started in the mornings.

Overwhelmed easily by too many demands or variables even though it might not seem like a lot or very difficult to the outsider given a woman's level of abilities in other areas or education or intelligence. Because of this she may over react easily to one more even simple request because it might put her over the top emotionally. Having to do simple tasks which may seem to be stress reducing actually may increase her difficulty because it may reduce needed stimulation and structure. For instance a woman might be better off at a demanding job in an area of skill than at home with no structure or stimulation because she might not know how to prioritize or organize even a very simple day. It is the executive function or management function of the brain that make it hard.

Socializing may be difficult, making small talk going to parties with a lot of background noise or where her attention is pulled in many directions. Shopping or cooking are often difficult although not always. So basically, simple, everyday living may be demanding. This may include organizing the house, difficulty with laundry, incoming papers and information. She needs support and structure and to find ways to spend more times in areas of strength.