I hear from so many people with such good information about the challenges and gifts of living with ADD as an adult! If any of you have some good information about events or services or articles you want to pass along please send them in and I may be able to use them when they apply to situations that come up in this column or when I am making other kinds of suggestions or recommendations. Look forward to hearing from many of you.
Q.#1. Good articles for couples?
I had a request this week for references for good articles on couples with ADD. This week the subject is "mixed marriages" whereas last week the question was about relationships where both individuals both had ADD. (See Dear Sari for Dec 3, 1999)
A.
One article that came to mind immediately was an article called "ODD COUPLES: Finding Peace and Respect in Marriages where one of you has ADD and the Other Doesn't" by Andrea Little. I called her and asked her if we could share it here and she has sent it to us. Thanks Andrea! I think it's a classic.
If anyone has any others they like please send them in.
Another piece of writing on the subject I find helpful is in a book by Lynn Weiss called ADD in Adults, 1992, Taylor publishing, Dallas TX,
chapter 11
And of course, Driven to Distraction, Hallowell and Ratey, 1994, Pantheon books, NY has a good chapter on couples -chapter 4.
Q.#2. College student seeks structure!
This from a very distressed college student. She describes a very common but not often discussed severe problem with writing papers or starting projects that are completely open ended, without structure. This young woman is on stimulant medication but it is not enough to solve the writing problems.
A.
The stimulants might help her stick with the project longer or start the project but they often don't work to completely address this part of the ADD difficulty. An expert doctor in working with medications with adults with ADD may be able to combine the stimulant with another kind of medication such as an SSRI to smooth out the effects of the stimulant and may actually help in this area. This is something I've seen be helpful for some people in this area but you would need to discuss this with a doctor.
Medication is only one part of the approach, however. These writing difficulties are another manifestation of the disorganization many adults with ADD experience in other parts of their lives for example, with clutter or with organizing their speaking a linear manner.
Often this becomes incredibly discouraging to those in school or those needing to write for work. These individuals often have big ideas, good ideas, lots of ideas to express but cannot find a way, despite of endless and tiring effort, to express their ideas in an orderly fashion, to make them known and understood to others. They often go off in many different directions, following every interesting connection or thread. For each idea they come up they may generate several more. They often hunt down every bit of information on a subject and related subjects and are left then with a huge amount of material to organize which even makes it more discouraging.
It is extremely frustrating when you know the subject, when you actually have a lot of ideas, when you are putting forth tremendous effort and you are continually getting incompletes or failing classes as this young woman reports .For most people, effort brings rewards. No wonder so many young adults with ADD who have the opposite experience become so discouraged.
It is often difficult for these students to ask for help at school or for adults to get help with their writing. Often, though, this is essential because there are gaps in the writing process that are just so troublesome for you and time consuming that you aren't able to get to the good stuff -your ideas. Sometimes you may need someone just to get you over particular hurdles or provide structure for your ideas or to just get you to stop expanding!
I experience these difficulties in my own writing when working on certain kind of material. I have found that having help at critical points is essential. You may need to have someone else involved in the process. I know that's a big hurdle for many of you to get over, but once you accept it and get the help you need in this area, you will be on the way to letting your ideas come out, letting yourself be known, and moving on toward a more satisfying way of life. Good luck !
Well, that's all for this week! I look forward to answering more of your questions next Friday!
- Warmest regards, Sari
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(c) 1999 Sari Solden. Unlawful to duplicate without expressed permission.