Holiday Greetings and Gratitude!
I'm not going to be writing for the next couple weeks because of the holidays. So let me take this opportunity to wish you a wonderful New Year and a new millennium where we, who have wonderfully unique (although often exasperating) brains, will continue to pour richness, warmth, and excitement into the world.
As I look back on the last decade, I am filled with gratitude for the entire ADD community. I want to thank the readers of my book who have been incredibly supportive, the professionals in the field who have become such close and special friends, and all the wonderful men and women with ADD I have worked with during the last 10 years. You've all made this last decade of the millennium an incredibly rich and rewarding one for me.
Holiday Advice
I received this wonderful e-mail from Wilma Fellman, a board member of ADDA (Attention Deficit Disorder Association) and the author of The Other Me book of poems on living with ADD. (Stay tuned for more information coming soon on her new book on careers)
I don't know where she got it from, but I thought the following piece was a wonderful way to defuse with humor some of the inadequate feelings many women with ADD struggle with during the holidays. (even more than usual) although every day living with ADD can feel like the Christmas season , even in the middle of May!)
The Martha Stewart Holiday Calendar
December 1
Blanch carcass from Thanksgiving turkey.
Spray paint gold, turn upside down and
use as a sleigh to hold Christmas cards.
December 2
Have Mormon Tabernacle Choir record outgoing
Christmas message for answering machine.
December 3
Using candlewick and handgilded miniature pinecones,
fashion cat-o-nine tails. Flog gardener.
December 4
Repaint Sistine Chapel ceiling in ecru, with mocha trim.
December 5
Get new eyeglasses. Grind lenses myself.
December 6
Fax family Christmas newsletter to Pulitzer committee for consideration.
December 7
Debug Windows '98.
December 10
Align carpets to adjust for curvature of Earth.
December 11
Lay Faberge egg.
December 12
Take dog apart. Disinfect. Reassemble.
December 13
Collect dentures. They make excellent pastry cutters,
Particularly for decorative pie crusts.
December 14
Install plumbing in gingerbread house.
December 15
Replace air in mini-van tires with Glade "holiday scents" in case
tires are shot out at mall.
December 17
Child proof the Christmas tree with garland of razor wire.
December 19
Adjust legs of chairs so each Christmas dinner guest will
be same height when sitting at his or her assigned seat.
December 20
Dip sheep and cows in egg whites and roll in confectioner's sugar
to add a festive touch to the pasture.
December 21
Drain city reservoir; refill with mulled cider, orange slices,
and cinnamon sticks.
December 22
Float votive candles in toilet.
December 23
Seed clouds for white Christmas.
December 24
Do my annual good deed. Go to several stores.
Be seen engaged in last minute Christmas shopping,
thus making many people feel less inadequate than they really are.
December 25
Bear son. Swaddle.
Lay in color coordinated manger scented with homemade potpourri.
December 26
Organize spice racks by genus and phylum.
December 27
Build snowman in exact likeness of God.
December 31
New Year's Eve! Give staff their resolutions.
Call a friend in each time zone of the world as the
clock strikes midnight in that country.
On a More Serious Note
Also for the holidays- a wonderful article by Hope Langner who is a wonderful ADD coach and therapist who has worked with me at my Renewal seminars for women with ADD. She wrote recently wrote a piece on "Finding a Calm Center." This is always a worthy goal but especially during the holidays could be a lifesaver.
You can find the article in the Nov/Dec 1999 issue of ADDvance magazine for Women.
Call- 1 888 2388588 for information on the magazine.
You can e mail Hope at Hopina@aol.com
Feedback requested on one-to-one consultations with me...
Since I've launched this site I've found that some of your questions are quite personal and specific and so I can't easily answer them in this Dear Sari forum. I am thinking that I might offer one to one consultations/answers for a fee. I would appreciate your writing in and letting me know how you feel about having the option of a personal reply for a fee as well as the continued option of writing in for a general posted answer. I'd appreciate your feedback.
Please send your comments to Sari@SariSolden.com
Now for this week's questions and answers
Q.#1. OCD vs. ADD
This is a question about a difficult diagnostic distinction between OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) and ADD. A woman writes she has been treated for several years for OCD with no results and now she thinks that instead she may have ADD. Her doctor insists that she have a full neuropsychological battery of tests before he prescribes stimulant medication. She wants to know what I think and whether she needs to do this as it is expensive and she would need to wait before beginning treatment.
A.
There are psychiatrists who are experienced in this differential diagnosis and in prescribing medications who will diagnosis you and prescribe without the full battery of tests. If they are experienced in treating adults with ADD this is certainly one way to go. This might be a quicker route and it might be a very effective route.
OCD and ADD can look alike since the compensation for ADD sometimes takes on compulsive tones. You may have a combination of both and it may be complicated to tease out. I would certainly recommend when you have a complicated profile like this that at some point it may be very helpful to you and to your doctors to invest in a battery of tests with a psychologist experienced in adult ADD. What you want for the long term, remember, is not just a simple yes or no diagnosis or only medication, but also an in-depth understanding of how your brain works- what difficulties you may confront and how to approach them, what strengths you have so you can focus on them.
Q.#2. College student seeks structure!
A question from a woman who says she is "desperate" because her husband thinks ADD is a "crutch and excuse to mess things up and be careless." He says before he believes she has ADD he wants positive proof. She asked if the test called the Tova would provide this absolute truth.
A.
Dear desperate,
There is no blood test for ADD and no one test that provides this level of absolute "proof" but there are tests and assessments which when given by experienced professionals are very accurate in making this diagnosis.
I would encourage you to get help right away for yourself from one of these people, either a therapist first who can give you the support you need to take this next step if you are hesitant to proceed without your husband's full support, or to a psychologist who can give you a battery of tests to show you in-depth how your brain operates.
Once a partner sees these kinds of reports in black and white, and speaks to the psychologist if possible about the results, the reality often breaks through their initial resistance. Because of this, in your situation I would recommend if possible that you have this kind of testing and go through this process. It also sounds as if you and your husband need some professional guidance or counseling about these ADD issues but also your relationship in general. If your husband doesn't want to proceed, you can't wait to prove it to him. Get support for yourself so that you can come to understand your diagnosis and accept yourself. Good luck.
Talk with you all again on January. 7th!
Happy Holidays
Warm Regards,
Sari
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(c) 1999 Sari Solden. Unlawful to duplicate without expressed permission.