Hello,
Well, it’s getting close to that time of year that often strikes fear into the hearts (and brains, of course) of those with ADD. How to cope with the all the demands, plus the addition of all those extras- shopping, choosing and buying just the right presents, more social events! Thinking about so many extra things and trying to fit in even more than usual, divides our attention and puts demands on it, that can easily overload our systems
I won’t be writing next week, since I’m off for Thanksgiving myself. I thought that since I, just like my clients, try each year to face the challenges presented by holiday gatherings in new ways, I would share a helpful hint.
Instead of letting all the noise and confusion bombard you, until you just withdraw or suddenly disappear without an explanation, this year try making a simple short statement before withdrawing. For example, "I need a little space, so I’m going for a walk and I’ll be back in a few minutes." Just briefly describe your needs, for instance, "I find I’m getting a little overloaded with all the commotion. I’ll be back in a few minutes." Or even just " I’m going to take the dog for a walk."
Otherwise, people often misinterpret this need to get away as selfishness or standoffishness. So in advance, think through what your particular holiday family gathering challenge is. Write down your strategy, put in your pocket, and pull it out when you need to remember it, in the middle of the next endlessly long family discussion when you are ready to pull your hair out. The goal is to protect yourself but also to stay connected. It is a delicate balance but well worth it.
I’ll talk to you in a couple of weeks. Keep on writing, I love reading and hearing from all of you. And please remember to check out the archives for past answers.
Answers to questions for this week. I was glad to hear from so many men.
Q.#1.
Someone wanted to clear up her confusion about the difference between stimulants and amphetamines and how Ritalin fits in to those..
A.
I asked an expert. Dr. Edward Hallowell says that stimulants are the class of medications to which both the amphetamines (Dexedrine and Adderall) and Methylphenidate (Ritalin) belongs. Hope that helps clear up some of the confusion.
Q.#2.
Someone writes in that they are "underwhelmed and overwrought." (I love that phrase!) He says he is looking for ways to put his good intentions and good ideas to work.
A.
This is a serious problem for those with low activation. Individuals with ADD usually are full of great ideas and the discrepancy between their ideas and ability to put them into action and follow through to fruition, causes great emotional pain and frustration. That combination results in "underwhelmed and overwrought", that you described. You need outside triggers to help get you started. You need something or someone to appear -- a coach, a friend, a class. Something has to be in place to serve as a support, structure and trigger.
Q.#3.
A man writes that he can’t function unless he frequents several coffeehouses a day. He describes what he’s like after the sixth or seventh cup of coffee bouncing off the walls. He thinks that he should cut back on coffee, but then is afraid he would get too depressed.
A.
Sounds as if you need a diagnosis and a treatment for ADD with stimulants. That would give you the boost you need without the side effects of drinking that much coffee. Sounds as if you’re possibly self-medicating for untreated ADD. Getting treated might help your depression as well.
Q.#4.
One writer says she is an adult female diagnosed at 38 year of age and also has a teenage daughter who has mild ADD and is gifted as well. She also has a 3-year daughter she suspects may also be ADD and wonders about various symptoms and sources.
A.
Often girls with ADD are disorganized more than acting out. They can be shy, withdrawn, internalize problems and feel depressed and anxious instead. Also, giftedness is often mistaken for ADD and this is something else a careful diagnosis can help sort out.
1 First of all, look at my symptom checklist for girls and women on this Web-site. That should help you. Also here are some additional resources.
2. You could read my book Woman with ADD that has excerpts posted on this Web-site or listen to my audiotape also advertised here. They both address the issues in ways that your daughter or yourself might identify with.
3 I recently wrote the foreword for a new book: Understanding Girls With ADD by Ellen Littman, Kathleen Nadeau and Patti Quinn. You can reach them at Addvantage Books by calling 1-888-238-8588.
4 There are lots of on-line group supports as well for women with ADD. Here is one you could try on AOL: Go to: People Connection-click on CHAT NOW-click on PRIVATE CHAT-TYPE IN ADD WOMEN-click on GO CHAT. Mondays 10:00 p.m. ET/ 7p.m.PT. Hosts are TerryM2442 and Annie 12345. This chat for women with ADD is held in a private room.
5 Also for reading on the gifted, ADD connection try http://www.concentric.net/~skiplac/gifted.html
Well, that's all for this week! Have a great holiday -- I look forward to answering more of your questions a week from next Friday!
- Warmest regards, Sari
TO read additional columns from the Dear Sari... archive, click HERE.