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Roadblocks
After
Initial Treatment
You may be one
of the first-generation "ADDults" diagnosed over the past several
years. This diagnosis most likely brought you enormous relief and
hope, even if mixed at times with feelings of grief and loss. Your
diagnosis may have been the end of a "Crisis of Confusion," a long
search for answers about an array of confusing, baffling, and very
troublesome symptoms that you struggled with your entire life. If
you are like many adults who weren't diagnosed as a child, the pervasiveness
and seriousness of these kinds of struggles may have been invisible
to all except those closest to you. Eventually, you may have taken
a battery of tests that confirmed the difficulties that you and
others may have written off as character flaws.
Finally, after
many years, you understood why you felt so different all your life.
You knew why so many things never made any sense to you, or why
you had so much trouble in some areas even if you did well in others.
You began to understand why your life course had led to dead ends
and frustration, despite your ability, interest, and early promise.
After this startling
discovery and diagnosis, you may have started treatment that probably
consisted of education about AD/HD, as well as medication that brought
you relief from the most troublesome symptoms. You suddenly could
focus, you had energy, and you agreed with the people who said getting
treatment was like putting on glasses for the first time. Things
began to look up for you, and you let yourself begin to hope again.
You may have felt that finally your problems were solved, that everything
would now be OK. During this initial period of treatment, you may
have received counseling and gone through what we call a "grief
cycle" (see chapter 1), where you mourned your losses, felt anger
at lost opportunities, and eventually came to what we call "acceptance"
of your AD/HD. You may have attended conferences, where for the
first time you met other adults like you-a whole new world of people-and
realized you weren't alone. This experience was exhilarating, comforting,
and educational; you may have seen dazzling slides of brain images
and become somewhat of an expert on neurotransmitters. Many of you
went home determined to begin your new life. Just think, a new you!
This time you could do it!
Your treatment
may have ended then, except for periodic medication checks. Or it
may have continued with the focus now on getting your life organized.
You may have put new strategies in place, using timers, beepers,
and planners. You may have gone to support groups where you heard
others share their stories of their miraculous cures through medication.
After a while,
though, you probably started to notice that even with these newly
found tools and information, you began to hit some unexpected bumps
in the road. You may have found it wasn't always easy to employ
the strategies suggested or to ask for accommodations or help. You
may have found yourself, once again, feeling as if you were disappointing
important people in your life. Your family and friends sometimes
may have seemed perplexed and frustrated when, after this long search
and expensive treatment, you still had difficulties. Others didn't
believe the AD/HD diagnosis in the first place, dismissing it as
a made-up ex cuse. Sometimes you yourself began to doubt the whole
thing and became discouraged or disappointed. Or you may have started
to think that if you just worked harder and longer, maybe things
would change. So you frantically tried one organizational system
after another. Or you tried to use the fuel of medication to push
yourself even harder. You focused so much on "getting it together"
that you followed your routines and schedules even when they were
devoid of meaning or excitement.
Don't Mistake
Journey One for the Whole Voyage
At a recent
first session of a group of adults with AD/HD, we went around the
circle for members to introduce themselves. The newly diagnosed
people were dismayed and discouraged to hear many of the members
say they had been diagnosed for over five years but were still struggling
with many of the same issues.
Many people
diagnosed during the "first wave" of adult AD/HD-pioneers, really-have
gone underground, only to resurface months and years later still
looking for "the answer." If the same professional who initially
saw them were to see them again a year or two later, she might hear
a completely different story-one of discouragement that things hadn't
turned out as they had expected. This feeling of discouragement
might arise even when treatment for primary symptoms had been successful!
Some, of course,
have been lucky or persistent and have stumbled upon a variety of
resources-from coaching to on-line relationships to conferences-that
have helped them change their self-image by identifying with other
adults who have AD/HD. Unfortunately, many people after the initial
AD/HD diagnosis and treatment haven't found that path for themselves
and may have gotten stuck.
It is important
to know that it is not uncommon to go through a long period of confusion,
disappointment, and frustration when the long-term success you counted
on doesn't materialize. Treatment often fails not because it's bad
but because it stops short after providing effective care for the
brain. After so many years identifying so closely with your AD/HD
symptoms, you cannot expect your self-image to be instantly corrected
with this first part of treatment. Diagnosis and medication alone
can't undo all the years of viewing one's self through an incomplete
and distorted lens. It can't take away the false expectations, negative
beliefs about one's self, and the devaluing view of one's differences.
That will take longer.
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